I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
