And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
