I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
