if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
