It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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