im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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