I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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