is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
