We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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