Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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