How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
