You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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