i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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