Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
