I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
