And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
this will be a night to untag.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
