I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
