its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
