Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
