brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
