even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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