So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
that may or may not have been my penis.
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