Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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