wake up i wanna do it froggy style
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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