You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
