Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
