It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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