She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
