i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
