Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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