I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hope mine doesn't look like that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
