Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
