I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
