so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
