I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
