I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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