Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
