hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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