is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
