Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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