At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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