dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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