I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
