this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
