My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
