I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
