He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
