Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
