forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
