this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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