I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
